A Boy & His Dog

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I continue to go through many after-effects of my recent trips with Peter to some favorite places in western Indiana, then to the Smoky Mountains, my all-time favorite destination. One is that I seem to be suddenly in the market for a dog. And not just any dog, but the kind we used to have when I was a kid, a fox terrier. One was named Tinker, another was Half-Pint. They’re cute little guys with sweet personalities, and they don’t bark much. I hate yippy dogs that go nuts every time the mailman walks by.

I’m also not that fond of bigger dogs, and it seems like everyone’s got a behemoth these days. Fox terriers are my size, not too little, not too big.

Turns out I have a lot of prejudices or preferences about dogs; I despise “designer dogs,” pure-breeds with genetic weaknesses, which is all you see in New York. I want a dog from the pound, a rescue dog, an abandoned one who needs a home. If you’ve got hundreds of dollars to spend on a dog, send that money to the human food pantry instead; go bail out an inmate in dog jail and you’ll have a friend for life. Animals are not your status symbol.

The dogs I grew up with, both in town and on the farm, were working dogs, respected as well as loved, and well taken care of for both reasons. Grandma Clara had a collie mix named Gypsy, an outside dog who was mostly a watcher and companion. She had the run of the place, a couple hundred acres, and she wasn’t always stuck at the house. But if she was close by and an unknown car pulled into the lane, she was there, barking and asking, “Who are you?” She wasn’t threatening the way some dogs can be, and she learned not to chase cars on the highway, but only to guard the house; she was better than a doorbell. And of course she always recognized us, so then her bark was saying, “Hi, you’re back!” We loved our Gypsy. She lived to a good old age.

Fox terriers were the dogs of choice on a lot of farms back then, because they’re smart, athletic, good hunters and great companions; now there are a lot fewer farms and foxies have fallen out of fashion. But they’re what my parents liked, and a couple of weeks ago I fell in love with one again.

Peter and I were visiting our photographer/cop friend Quentin in Lafayette. Mr. and Mrs. Q have a foxer, and oh man, is he sweet. He’s older, not as frisky as he once was, but he and I took an instant liking to each other. Quentin said that was unusual for the dog in his older years, he usually avoids the stimulation of meeting someone new; and it’s become unusual for me in adulthood to bond with an unknown pet. But somehow we hit it off the minute we met, and I can’t stop thinking about his breed. Terriers are ideal dogs.

In young adulthood before this phase in my life, I wasn’t fit to keep a dog; didn’t always make enough money for all his bills, I worked long hours, wasn’t home enough, and then I had a very sick lover to take care of. But now here I am, with time on my hands, six rooms and a yard to run around in; maybe adopting a dog makes sense.

Some other thought-streams are running in my head: I’ve seen the Smokies again, so my spirit is fulfilled. After two good trips I’m ready to stay at home a good while, and able to look after another creature. I’ve got a whole big house and no one else around, so maybe it’s time.

Fox terriers are not demanding; that’s the outstanding them about them compared to other dogs. And being pack animals, they love to bond with the leader. Besides, they’re impossibly cute.

So I think I could accomodate a foxy at this time in my life. He and I could grow old together. I probably have enough years left to see a puppy through his lifespan, which is no small consideration. Or I could take an older dog like Q’s; dogs need homes, people to be around, someone to buy the food and see the water dish is fresh. I could do that.

One other prejudice: I want a male dog. All our dogs were boys when I was a kid, and males are what I know. Their behavior isn’t that different from females’, and a girl who’s been fixed doesn’t turn into a yowling bitch in heat; but still, boys are what I know.

Maybe it’s time. Maybe I’m ready to retire and not do much but take the dog to the park and watch him run. Maybe I can teach him to catch a Frisbee; maybe my arm will get tired of throwing before he gets tired of jumping and catching.

Maybe I just want someone who’ll lick my face no matter what I look like. That’s probably it.

But there are two shelters now that know I’m on the lookout for a male fox terrier, and I wouldn’t be surprised to bring one home soon. Heaven is full of animals, you know; they go there direct without stopping at purgatory. This was one of God’s easier decisions, while the humans have to face elaborate vetting.

If you were St. Peter would you cross-examine this guy, or just wave him through and hold him while he licked your face?

If you can’t see the soul in this little boy, you’re going straight to hell.++

Fox_terrier_smooth

Cherry Picking

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July 4th is always cherry picking time at my house, and today I was out to gather my first batch. They’re for a friend whose father was reminiscing about how long it’s been since he’s had some tart cherries.

Mine are tart; they’re not bing cherries or maraschinos. Either you add sugar when you bake them or you’re going to pucker up.

One of my trees was picked over fairly well by uninvited neighbors, if the pits on the sidewalk were any indication. This is probably thanks to the kids next door, whose luscious garden has signs posted in every direction, NO PICKING, GO AWAY, NO TRESPASSING.

At least they didn’t steal my tulips this year. Their father lied to me about it last year and threw the tulips in the alley outside my other neighbor’s house.

When birds start feeding on my cherries I can tell, because they eat around the pits rather than spitting them out. Kids are not as smart as birds, but hey, what are neighbors for.

If the lady across the street, whom I don’t even know, takes to stealing my fruit again, I’ll call the cops. She’s married to a retired policeman from L.A., so I’m sure she obeys the law except when it comes to cherries. (I have sent word, believe me.)

In Indiana, anyone who steals your first tomato can be shot without penalty. State law, I swear; don’t fuck with Hoosiers when it comes to first tomatoes.

But cherries, I still have thousands. This year I’m going to get out the ladder so I can pick the high-hanging fruit. It may be sort of a pain, except when it’s time for pie.

Tart cherries are good for you, according to a study at the University of Michigan. They help control cholesterol and blood sugar, which is good for diabetics and heart patients.

Me, I just like cherries. My two trees are planted in the front, next to the street, where they’re subject to marauding urchins. And birds, but that can’t be helped. If children won’t be shamed, maybe their parents will be.

But I don’t care, I always have plenty, and my trees are so gorgeous in the springtime.

Meanwhile I’ve got more herbs than recipes to use them all. Chives, rosemary, tarragon, parsley, thyme and something new this year, dill. I am queer for dillweed: salmon! Cucumber soup! Chicken salad! The plants are delicate as a feather, but they stand up to a Chicago wind.

And the tomatoes: five plants this year, so I’ll be canning come August. Tomatoes are my favorite food (and yes, I’ve got shotguns). I was a bit late getting them into the ground, but they are thriving.

It’s July already, which means only two more months of summer. I hope to savor my flowers and fruit every day until they are no more.

That’s how to live; taste what you’ve got as long as you have it. When it’s gone it’s gone, but while it’s here, mmm’boy, life’s good eatin’.++

Side Porch with Impatiens.Peter

Side porch with impatiens, my summer kitchen, June 2009, by Peter Schroder.

Summer Vacation: Nice to Be Home

porkchops

I’m home alone, after a great week in the Smoky Mountains with Peter from Amsterdam. I have a lot to clean up from his three-week visit, but the timetable is mine alone, to do as I feel like. It’s good to be home and in control of my life again, without any pressure to get him to O’Hare on time. Instead of spending Gay Pride Day “40″ at the parade in Boyztown, we were stuck in traffic on the expressway. I suspect the Taste of Chicago is deliberately timed to compete with Gay Pride Day.

Today the weather is coolish and windy; thunderstorms are rumored but the radar is clear, so the cold front is treating us gently. I plan to grill a thick pork chop for dinner, then sit on my side porch watching the trees sway on my Street Without Any Traffic.

Coming home from vacation is a time to consolidate one’s gains. We had dozens of wonderful experiences that will live on in memory; the Roaring Fork Motor Tour through Great Smokies National Park was my favorite of all, plus we discovered a new-to-me town that would make a good destination in the future. It’s Sylva, North Carolina, which has a progressive flavor. We ate a great meal at 553 West Main, where Ross Lorenz is the chef and owner. He had a live band outdoors while we listened to jazz inside, and the food was worth every penny.

Over the years I’ve returned repeatedly to the Smokies, but each time I’ve stayed in a different town. Gatlinburg, the most famous one, is an overcrowded tourist trap; years ago I stayed in Pigeon Forge, which in those days was a sleepy little nothing. Then native daughter Dolly Parton decided it was a great place to make money. I greatly admire her business acumen; she was absolutely right to turn it into a gold mine, creating thousands of jobs in what formerly was a piss-poor place. But I have no interest in “family entertainment,” so Pigeon Forge is out.

dolly-parton

So is Sevierville; I stayed there once too, but that whole area on the Tennessee side is “so crowded, no one goes there anymore.” Hat tip, Yogi Berra.

Next time, Sylva. It doesn’t have a single T-shirt shop, fudge joint or wax museum, and you can actually get a fine meal there.

A few noteworthy things about Cherokee, NC:

• The casino has empowered The People, who finally voted in alcohol a couple of weeks ago to keep the cash flowing. Some are predicting increased crime and social problems, but that check the Nation sends to each enrolled member every six months does come in handy.

• Even though the Qualla Boundary is a reservation, real estate is privately owned; the American Way, imposed by the Federal government, is the opposite of the Cherokee Way, and their culture still suffers from capitalist exploitation by outsiders. I wish the tribe could bulldoze every last moccasin shop and two-bit wigwam in town. The Cherokees lived in proper houses when the White man arrived; thanks to Sequoyah, The People were soon more literate than their White neighbors. Casino-funded progress is obvious, but the spirit longs for The People to control their own place.

• We ran into something weird at the Best Western: internet censorship, like freakin’ China. Anything Gay is verboten; Peter couldn’t open half the e-mails on his Google account. I tried visiting Gay.com to see if news was allowed, but I got a censorship screen instead. I cannot recommend staying in Cherokee, though I do endorse the Museum, Oconaluftee Indian Village, “Unto These Hills” and especially the Qualla Mutual Arts and Crafts store. Visit Cherokee by all means, but don’t stay there unless giving your money to one-armed bandits is your idea of entertainment.

• This was personally important for my novels: I asked about the Cementation Ceremony at Talking Leaves Bookstore, and the owner had never heard of it. (I believe it was an annual Gay male wedding ceremony.) Artist and author Thomas E. Mails (The Cherokee People) described it in loving detail as one of the Nation’s principal feasts, but The People are now so Baptist-brainwashed that they’ve censored their own culture from themselves; though they love to complain that their losses are all someone else’s fault. It’s just human nature, I guess, but Gay Cherokees could use the reminder of their central place in the old religion.

I am glad we went to Cherokee, the Agency town; but I doubt I’ll ever visit there again. And we never did figure out what “rat cheese” might be.

Among the gains I’m consolidating along with the memories are some neat things we bought. I now own a communion set, a blue chalice and almost-matching plate I got from Teresa Cole, a potter in Berea, Kentucky showing at Gallery 103 on College Square. I set the chalice on the paten in the middle of my dining room table; I’m not a priest, so I don’t suppose I’ll ever host a Eucharist in my home, but if the chance ever arises I’m ready. They are already dear things to me, and I recommend something similar for every Christian home. Just the sight of them is a good reminder of what’s important.

At Qualla I bought something inexpensive but hand-carved, a little canoe and paddle with the artist’s initials on the bottom; I love being on the water, and I very much enjoyed the mini-demonstration of canoe-hollowing at Oconaluftee. (Besides, the kid was cute. Did I mention he was the Principal Dancer that night at the amphitheater? In a loincloth?)

I bought two things for my beloved side porch, which I’m gradually turning into a summer kitchen. I got a 3-bulb lamp in New Harmony, Indiana, an unusual piece of vertical, rectangular ironwork with stained glass tulip globes; it fits wonderfully in the space I had in mind, and we’ve already enjoyed its soft glow when the sun goes down. In Asheville, NC, I bought a 15-inch square metal sculpture to hang on the exterior brickwork of my living room fireplace. I looked at much more expensive sculpted pieces in another shop in the same arcade downtown, but then I got worried about whether my bricks were wide enough to hold them, only to discover once I got home that the chimney is six feet wide and I’m an idiot. I guess in all these past five years that I’ve owned this house, I’ve never really looked at that brickwork from the outside; I knew it needed some visual interest and sculpture would work well, but I always sit facing away from it, looking at the Street With No Traffic, and never staring directly at it to know it’s a big frickin’ chimney.

Even my little piece of stamped-out steel would give dinner guests something to touch and enjoy, but I’m amazed to be this dumb a blond.

Peter bought me an Indian serving tray, showing snow-capped mountains and horses; I wish he hadn’t, but I admired it, and before I knew it the saleswoman was wrapping it up. It’s probably Sioux, Navajo or Ute, not Cherokee, but I’ll enjoy carrying food on it for my porch guests.

Meanwhile my house and garage are intact, didn’t get blown apart by a tornado, and the garden is thriving; the tomato plants are a foot taller, the cherries are ready to go, the flowers are beaming and the herbs scent the air.

I have plenty of weeding to do—we got two inches of rain while I was gone—but life is good, happily predictable, everything’s under control. Do the laundry, throw out Peter’s junk he left behind, clean out the refrigerator; welcome back to normal life on a pretty porch, where pork chops sizzle.

Three weeks I think is too long a visit anymore for a guy who lives alone and is used to arranging the towels a certain way. Back when travel was difficult, family members visited for long stretches; I remember two weeks in Kokomo as a kid with my mother’s Aunts Leatha and Hazel. But now I’m too set in my ways, an odd discovery to make at 58. When did my way become the only way?

But in truth it always was; I’m the Gay son of a control-freak mother. Who’s kidding whom? (Randy, Eddie, Frankie, John, Avon, Jack and Steve, your snarks will be deleted!)

Peter is an often-thoughtful guest, a generous person who bought a total stranger in Cherokee a $50 gift certificate to Restaurant 553. We had a fantastic vacation. Still, the more I age, the more comforting routines become, so I’m glad to be Back Home Again where I belong. At 12 noon it’s time to do tomorrow’s Daily Office for our troops in Afghanistan, Korea and Iraq, but it’s hard to maintain the discipline at a Best Western. Without the daily prayers I’m pretty much adrift; and ditto without my Mythos Man.++

Cherokee Men

Gifts & Curses

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Caravaggio: The Sacrifice of Isaac

I am more certain of God’s existence and love for all creation, than I am of my own name.

This is both a blessing and a curse, because we live in a world that is massively confused about holy things. It’s hard to click onto The New York Times website for news, only to be confronted with an ad for someone’s product featuring a picture of Jesus titled, “The God Who Wasn’t There.” What did I do to be confronted with aggressive commercial atheism? All I wanted was the news.

Yes, a lot of people reject the very idea of God, because they don’t like the YHWH of the Old Testament. “He” seems mean and vindictive.

But rejecting God is like rejecting “weather” because it’s raining right now. It just doesn’t make any sense. Rain is good and so is God, but lots of folks don’t see it that way.

Understanding the God of the Old Testament takes a lifetime of study, but here’s a shortcut: the mean vindictiveness is attributed to God by the human scripture writers, and not the way God really is.

Once you plumb those ancient writings, built up over centuries by human editors like layer on layer of lava rock, the God underneath is invariably loving, redemptive and just. Invariably!

Context is everything. You can’t just break out a Bible passage and understand it on its face. You have to start with the ignorant humans. We’re the ones who are mean and vindictive, not God. God is constantly revealing “himself” to be someone else entirely.

(God is not male or female, but for ease of communicating I will use traditional pronouns referring to God as “he” sometimes. Then I’ll undermine that tradition. You can follow along easily enough.)

There is no contradiction, instead plenty of agreement, between the Old Testament and the New, but people like Jesus a lot more than his Father. Jesus is all about love, and that’s one of his main contributions to human thought.

Therefore any Bible study ought to begin with Jesus, not Genesis. The Gospel of Mark, the oldest account of Jesus’s life and ministry, is the place to start. Then you can elaborate from there.

You don’t have to accept any of the miracles of Mark’s Gospel at first; it may be better not to evaluate them, but just watch the story like you would any other TV show.

Most people conclude that Jesus is a very good man.

He says some hard things at times, some confusing things; but then, he spoke in parables, because he knew we’d never figure out everything he was talking about. He was trying to teach the poor ignorant humans. He had great compassion for us, which is why he went around to meet us so often and show us the path to heaven.

He knew some people would never get it; people can’t be what they can’t see, which is why he made his works so visible. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. And a lot of times a person is a horse’s ass.

Miracles or no, the “greatest story every told” concerns a man who willingly laid down his life for his friends.

Do you know about Fr. Mychal Judge, the New York Fire Department chaplain who was killed on 9/11? Same story.

Surely you know about Mother Teresa; same story.

Joan of Arc? Same story. We admire people who sacrifice for the benefit of others; they are heroes.

Jesus said, This is the way to live.

No other faith has such a story, which is why Christianity is at least a superior philosophy. If need be, give up your life for the ones you love.

(Also, avoid that if you don’t have to do it; Jesus died once for all, and God doesn’t need us to repeat it.)

What have LGBT activists done these past 40 years since Stonewall, but run the risk of giving up their lives on behalf of the rest of us?

Same story. And man, that speaks powerfully to me. Every right Gay people currently enjoy in the United States derives from the courageous risk-taking of ordinary Lesbians, Gay men and Transgenders. (Bisexuals haven’t contributed that much that I’ve seen, with one or two exceptions.)

For that matter, the American Revolution is the same story; courageous risk-takers. Same with the Civil War fight to end human slavery; same with World War II against fascism and genocide.

Be prepared to die for the ones you love. That’s how we should live our lives according to Jesus. Everything else flows out of that; charity, peacemaking, the love of God.

Today I have no problem with the miracles of Jesus; I believe them. Today I have no problem with the seemingly contradictory and arbitrary demands of the Old Testament God. Underneath those violent stories is a consistent, gentle, faithful love for humankind, despite our unworthiness.

We’re the ones who are mean and hateful, but with humility we can grow up to become our full selves. And Jesus shows us how.

I wish that every member of the Episcopal Church, and every Christian, could receive the teaching I’ve been given, a way of looking at Scripture that opens it up, that allows questioning, that welcomes different points of view, because no one knows everything, and Jesus has promised that understanding results from the shared examination of the community.

But I received an amazing education from four Church Army people, Ervin Faulkenberry, Howard E. Galley, Jr., Brooke Bushong and Tom Tull. Few people have been luckier than I’ve been that way.

I wish I were as good an educator as they were for me. Unfortunately I’m not. But I will leave you with this “revelation” of one of the most difficult stories in the Old Testament, the sacrifice of Isaac.

It starts 5000 years ago with Abraham, whom God identified as the most open, righteous man on earth; his openness was important, because God decided to reveal himself to this guy. If Abraham weren’t open to see and hear God, and overcome his fears of encountering the divine, no amount of talking and showing would have worked. But God chose well.

Abraham and his wife Sarah lived in a time when humans didn’t have a clue how the world worked. Anthropology shows they were just as smart as we are, but they lacked our science and technology. In their world, if good things happened, it must have been because “the gods” who controlled everything were mysteriously happy that day. If bad things happened (tornadoes, earthquakes, death), it must have been because the gods were displeased and wrought vengeance. That’s what everyone thought.

Nonsense, God said. “There aren’t any other gods but me; I’m the only one. I don’t do vengeance, I don’t make people die. These awful events are simply a consequence of life itself; there isn’t any life without death, or the world would get too crowded and death would kill the life. You’re mortals, but your spirit can live forever.

“I love you, that’s why I made you. I want you people to learn how to treat each other; do that and we’ll actually get somewhere.”

And Abraham said, “Okay. I’m listening.”

Thus did the Jews discover monotheism and a rational, loving God. That’s why Abraham is the father of all three Middle Eastern religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam; he realized there’s only one God, who makes perfect sense if we’ll only listen.

So far, so good. God said, “I will make you the father of a great nation. You will be my people and I will be your God.”

Abraham thought of a problem; “My wife and I are too old to have kids.”

“I can fix that,” God said. “Watch this.”

Sarah got pregnant and Abraham believed; “this God can do anything.”

She had a son named Isaac. He was a little hellraiser, but overall a good boy who sometimes listened to his parents, which is about all a mom and dad can expect.

One day when Isaac was 12, like the months of a year, God told Abraham, “Next lesson. It’s time to sacrifice this child.”

Abraham was perplexed; how was he going to become the father of nations if his only son got killed? “Uh, Lord, we got a problem here.”

“I know, but do it anyway,” God said. “Trust me.”

See, in the days of ignorance, the gods were always having to be appeased with human sacrifice. People considered the gods bloodthirsty, because when bad things happened, it must be because people sinned, and the only way to stop the disaster was to give the gods a dozen virgins. How else could people explain an earthquake? They didn’t know squat about tectonic plates. Science was not their forte, so sacrifice was the best they could come up with. (In some religions the gods then had sex with the victims. Religion was as crazy as the rest of life.)

So Abraham, who knew this God was the real One, reluctantly did as he was told. He tied Isaac to an altar to slit his throat. But as soon as Abraham did that, with his knife poised in the air, God stopped him. “Stop! Don’t even think about it!”

Abraham said, “What? You told me to.”

“For a reason, dude. I wanted us both to see that you would do what I said, even if it sounds crazy. You obeyed me! I can’t teach you anything if you don’t obey me—just like you can’t teach your son anything unless you first get his attention. See?”

“You don’t want Isaac’s blood?”

“Heck no! You think I made him so you could kill him? How crazy is that?”

“I should let him go then?”

“Yes, untie him. I’m about freedom, not death. And understand something hugely important: no more baby-killing!”

Thus did the Hebrews abolish human sacrifice—one of the great divine revelations of all time.

That was the lesson God taught Abraham. But first he had to get his attention.

Abraham loved Isaac and never forgot the lesson. Isaac grew up still raising some hell, but he knew he belonged to God.

See, it’s a loving story after all. God sets up a teachable moment, then pulls a switcheroo. But you’ve got to plumb the depths of the story to get it. God wasn’t manipulating Abraham, he was teaching him.

All the Bible stories are that way. You know full well it takes a miracle to advance human progress in the way of love. So why are the Bible stories, and the God they speak about, so mysterious to you?

I’ve come to trust God, and when the Bible stories don’t make sense to me, I keep digging.

For the Big Message for today’s era, which is God’s revelation about Gay men, see Luke 7:1-10, the Healing of the Centurion’s Beloved Slave, which follows hot on the heels of God’s revelation of the Divine Feminine and the abolition of slavery.

God is a liberator, not some mean son of a bitch. We’re the bastards, not her. Unfortunately, we’re about as spiritually sophisticated in 2009 as the ancients were as they contemplated earthquakes, before the discovery of tectonic plates.

God is everything you hope she would be, if only we learn how to live (self-sacrifice) and trust that Overwhelming Love knows more than we do, and thus deserves our following.

Meanwhile, her current themes are race, gender and sex, and 2000 years ago Jesus healed the Roman soldier’s beloved slaveboy.++

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Sir Stanley Spencer: Healing of the Centurion’s Servant

Baptized in the River

Smokies

Peter and I are now on the second and final leg of our “Best Of” tour, and I’m posting this from Cherokee, North Carolina. Last week we saw some of the best of Indiana, my home state, on our “U.S. 41 Cruise,” and now we’re in my all-time favorite place, the Great Smoky Mountains.

I believe in traveling slow. I’m not one of these people who gets up at dawn, then drives all night to get to a distant destination, only to spend the next day exhausted. I’d rather take two days and arrive in style. Our first night we aimed for Berea, Kentucky via Cincinnati, just so I could take Peter to Camp Washington Chili.

Camp Washington Chili

Peter allowed me to order for him: one cheese coney, no onions, heavy mustard, and a 3-way. Cincinnati-style chili, which is Greek in origin, is a local delicacy, and there are chili parlors “on every corner,” hundreds of them in the city. Camp Washington is my sentimental favorite, because I remember its original location, an all-night place 24/6, perfect after a night at the bars. The “new” restaurant is now old enough to look slightly seedy, which makes it perfect even at 3 in the afternoon. The late Charles Kuralt of CBS News once proclaimed Camp Washington’s “the best chili in the world,” and it’s won the James Beard Award as an American Regional Classic.

Here’s the most wholesome picture of a 3-way you’ll ever see.

3-Way

Peter’s always a good sport, and he pronounced it “a new experience. You saw how quickly the plate was empty.”

From The Camp we headed south via I-75 to Berea, a small town just south of Lexington, Ky., about two hours away. The town grew up around Berea College, which was founded by Christian abolitionists in 1853 to educate Blacks and Whites, men and women, according to the precept “Learning, Labor, Service.” It is world-renowned, the cultural capital of Appalachia, located in the foothills not far from the Cumberland Gap. The town is quite an arts colony; we both bought some pottery.

I mentioned Berea College in my novel “Andy’s Big Idea,” about the founding of the world’s first Gay and Lesbian university. Andy goes to Berea to find out how the college can avoid charging tuition; all the students work 10-12 hours a week, earning their keep. He ultimately decides against following that model, but leaves with great respect for the place. But I’d never visited, doing all my research online, so I was eager to see it.

We stayed at the historic (Daniel) Boone Tavern, which has previously hosted Eleanor Roosevelt and the Dalai Lama. We loved it there. We both compared it favorably to the French Lick Resort Hotel, which cost $250 a night.

Boone Tavern

We ate a light supper in the dining room; I had a salad with homegrown butter lettuce from the college farm, green peas and bacon, the prettiest arrangement I’ve ever seen.

The next day we went to Union Church right across the street. It’s very Protestant (Communion once a month, we got a hymn sing instead) but it’s still liberal; we enjoyed the organist and the pastor, who mentioned Episcopal priest Carter Heyward, a Lesbian and member of the “Philadelphia 11,” in his sermon. When we said goodbye at the door, I told him, “I’m a friend of Carter’s.” (True.) He looked surprised, then said, “Well, Amen!”

Union Church Berea

Then we headed down to visit The People in the most beautiful mountains on earth. Yes, there are taller ones, but the Smokies are close together, covered in trees and flowers, a temperate rain forest.

Our first day we immersed ourselves in Cherokee culture as best we could, visiting the Cherokee Museum, the Qualla Arts & Crafts Mutual, Inc., Oconoluftee Indian Village, run by the tribe, and “Unto These Hills,” the most successful outdoor drama (59 years, 6 million visitors) in the United States.

Officially this reservation is the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians; last year I visited the Western Band in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. Both have casinos, which have greatly enhanced the tribal income and allowed for expanded community development. The People are doing well in both places and enjoy active cultural, historical, economic and social lives.

The Eastern Band, which kept a small portion of its ancient homeland in the mountains, has traditionally been more isolated, exploited by outsiders and ambivalent about White people. The Western Band, which suffered the quasi-genocidal Trail of Tears, is perhaps the stronger of the two by some measures. Certainly they have the better museum; the one here in North Carolina is cramped and dark, so they’re adding onto it. But both are worth seeing, especially if all you know about Indians comes from a John Wayne movie.

The Cherokees have always been a highly advanced culture, the leading member of the “Five Civilized Tribes,” and you can get a good feel for their history, religion and folkways in either place. For visitors, the comparison between East and West comes in part from how one is treated. The Western Band is friendly and optimistic for the most part, while the race-based resentment is more obvious here in the mountains.

The rap against Cherokee, NC has always been that it’s a tourist trap selling moccasins made in China, completely inauthentic. More recently, the Harrah’s-run casino has enabled the tribal government to take more control of its namesake town. The outsider-owned junk shops are still abundant, but the art scene is real, as visits to the Qualla Mutual and a private gallery called Great Smokies Fine Arts Gallery reveal. The Cherokees have always been magnificent weavers and potters, and you can find some fabulous works at Qualla. But I found myself most attracted to the woodworking, because the artists bring such unusual visions to the animal-spirits they depict. I wish I had a spare $800 to take home just one piece from Qualla; the art is worth every penny.

Oconaluftee Village features local enrolled members demonstrating the various crafts of everyday life in a beautiful wooded setting next to the outdoor amphitheater. We saw women weaving and asked about their methods. A man worked to craft projectile points (arrowheads), and I had to stop and watch for several minutes. My backyard in Indiana is filled with arrowheads – as kids we used to hunt them, because they’re all over my homeplace – but here I saw a guy chipping away at one using the old tools. A few days before Peter arrived in Indiana, I ran across an arrowhead while gardening and saved it to give him as a gift; now I’ve seen the patient work involved in shaping the stone. I was fascinated; the process is very logical, detail-oriented, peaceful. A good arrowhead could pull down a family’s dinner, and over time The People learned how to appreciate both the weapon and the prey. The demonstrator was pretty shy and close-lipped, but not hostile.

My best interaction at Oconoluftee was with a young man demonstrating canoe-making; the ancient Cherokees felled or found a tree trunk, hopefully close to the water’s edge so they didn’t have to drag it, then hollowed it out using controlled fire. The kid was friendly, eager to talk, a great ambassador. Imagine my surprise when later that night he turned out to be the Lead Dancer at the play. In a loincloth!!

“Unto These Hills,” like most historical plays, is both less and more than a good night at the theater; Peter and I saw the same problem last week at the world premiere of “Lincoln” at Honest Abe’s Boyhood Home in Indiana. You’re amazed that semi-professionals can pull them off at all. Both plays tried to tell an epic story in two hours, and as a writer I know that’s nearly impossible. The Cherokee play has to condense centuries, while the Lincoln play focused on the most famous American’s least known period. So “Unto These Hills” spends too much time on dancing and political arguing; it’s uplifting nevertheless, and that is why you go.

Today we headed for Great Smokies National Park, the nation’s second-oldest and by far its most popular.

Peter has some health problems and hiking the mountains is not an option, so we decided on a motor tour instead. Mountain driving definitely takes some getting used to, but by the end of the day I was feeling experienced.

We chose the Roaring Fork tour, which starts 40 miles from here on the other side of the park in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a god-awful city which should be bulldozed and forgotten. (You cannot underestimate the taste of the American people.) But our drive through the park revealed many stop-worthy vistas, hundreds of wows; Roaring Fork was outstanding. It’s a one-lane paved loop up the mountain and down again, following a quintessential mountain stream; lots of whitewater rapids and gorgeous scenery, plus a well-preserved hardscrabble farm with a log cabin and numerous outbuildings, circa 1890, right on the raging creek. The land is so rocky you wonder how anyone could farm there, much less raise ten kids, but somehow they did it, till FDR bought them out to create the national park.

Rushing water; what the Cherokees call “living water,” which they incorporated in all their important religious festivals. To be alive, water has to move; static water in a plastic bottle or out of a pipe obviously is dead. At their major festivals, like the Cementation Ceremony, the People “went to water” seven times, bathing and changing into clean clothes in a ritual of purification and renewal.

(I believe, based on Mooney and Mails, that the Cementation Ceremony was a Gay wedding that united the whole Nation, but that’s the subject of an unpublished novel I may never bring to print. Today’s Cherokees are so Baptist they rewrite their history, no Gay people ever.)

At the old homestead, the waters rushed like mad through the forest in a place of incredible beauty; Peter took pictures from as close as he felt comfortable with, but I went down to the stream, climbed a few rocks and had to feel the water move over my fingers. It was suitably cold, and it just kept roaring down over the boulders, so clear and clean, I had to taste it.

Then I had to throw some over myself. And that reminded me of baptism. So I crouched down, dipped my hand in again, and made the sign of the cross on my forehead three times, In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit of these mountains and rocks, birds and trees, butterflies and lizards. And bears!

Episcopalians talk a lot about their Baptismal Covenant from the new (1979) Prayer Book, and we renew our baptismal vows several times a year; for me the most recent time was Easter Eve, when my parish had several baptisms. I’ve always found this very nice, but in fact I was baptized as a toddler under the old 1928 regime, and I don’t consider these newer vows binding in quite the same way. Yes, I believe in them and subscribe to them (in fact, they’re a theological improvement over the 1928 Prayer Book), but indeed my soul was first pledged, and still remains, under the old formula; a person gets baptized just once. But still, there I was in my beloved mountains, as close to God as a human being can get, renewing my baptism, because the water was alive.

Nobody gets Christianity quite as right as Episcopalians; and nobody understands our place in the cosmos like the Cherokees.++

Roaring Fork Falls

Cruisin’ U.S. 41

US_41

Peter and I are just back from our “U.S. 41 Cruise,” which took us from Northwest Indiana just south of Lake Michigan to Evansville on the Ohio River. I was able to show my Amsterdammer friend some of the best of Indiana just by driving down my hometown’s 7th Street to the other end of the state.

(U.S. 41 is Lake Shore Drive in Chicago; talk about magnificent miles!)

Our first destination was Turkey Run State Park, Indiana’s most popular.

Turkey Run 494

We stayed at the Inn, as I’d wanted to do since my parents took us camping there when I was a kid. Back then I thought rich people got to enjoy Turkey Run without all the work of camping, pitching a tent, cooking your own meals over a campfire; now that I’ve stayed at the inn, I think camping is just as good. Dinner at the restaurant was a bargain buffet at $12, but breakfast for $8 wasn’t worth the money. Like all Hoosier breakfast places they sell biscuits and sausage gravy, but the gravy comes out of a box and has no flavor at all.

At the New Harmony Inn a little further south, they use the same gravy mix and cut up a sausage link on top. Not the least bit authentic; tomorrow I’ll make Peter some real biscuits and gravy.

Biscuits&Gravy.1024

New Harmony, Indiana is one of my favorite places. It’s the site of two 19th century Utopian communities; the Rappites were celibate socialists convinced that Jesus’ 2nd Coming was just around the corner. After a few years, when Jesus declined to appear on cue, they sold their 30,000 acres to a Scottish reformer named Robert Owen, who banned money and private property in a futile attempt to abolish class distinctions. It was a nice idea but it didn’t work; the people couldn’t figure out how to govern themselves and their society descended into chaos. Owen finally skipped town, but many of his descendants stayed. Among their many achievements, artistic, spiritual and intellectual, they established the United States Geological Survey, which for many years was located in New Harmony. They also helped establish the Smithsonian Institution.

Generations later, a woman named Mary Owen married into the family, which by then had gotten rich off the oil in Texas; geology can be useful that way. She loved her husband, learned about the family legacy in New Harmony, and bought up all the log cabins in town, preserving them for posterity, promoting the deep if utopian spirituality, with its attendant artistic and intellectual impulses. One of the old man’s projects was called the Working Man’s Institute, a kind of college for those who work with their hands but think with their minds. It’s survived and prospered all these years later.

It is a fabulous thing to find a whole town (pop. 1000) intent on living a spiritual, artistic and intellectual life. New Harmony is off the beaten path, right on the Wabash River, but find it and stay as long as you can; God is there.

Of course God is everywhere, but you get my drift.

I bought a handmade lighting fixture/sculpture, and a piece of pottery for my kitchen, at a little shop next door to the Episcopal church. The parish is very small but dear to Episcopalians, who administer a nearby facility called the Roofless Church—a blocklong, enclosed park for all faiths.

The 20th century theologian Paul Tillich often visited New Harmony, and his ashes were scattered at another park named for him. When is the last time you found a park named for a theologian?

Tillich Bust, New Harmony.400

At the Red Geranium restaurant, connected with the New Harmony Inn, I saw photos of Tillich, Henry Luce, the founder of Time, Inc., and my late beloved Bishop John Pares Craine of Indianapolis, who confirmed and commissioned me. He is the one who made this diocese progressive, and I cherish his memory.

We also visited Vincennes, an old French fort and fur-trading center on the Wabash, dating back to the early 18th century; this small city became the capital of the old Northwest Territory after the Revolution. The USA carved six states out of the Northwest: Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin, Illinois and part of Minnesota. William Henry Harrison was the territorial governor, and he set the boundary between Indiana and Illinois to run through his living room. South of his house, called Grouseland, the Wabash River is the boundary; north of his house, the boundary is a straight line all the way to Lake Michigan, which gave Indiana the southernmost tip of the lake. The DAR and a small foundation have restored Harrison’s house to suitable grandeur without government funds; the executive director is an Episcopal priest in nearby Washington, Indiana, a guy named Dennis who commented on my T-shirt, THE EPISCOPAL CHURCH *STILL* WELCOMES YOU. I got it from St. Luke’s in the Fields in Greenwich Village for LGBT Pride Day two years ago, but there we were in Vincennes, yapping about The Dumbest. President. Ever. (He gave an hour-long Inauguration speech amidst freezing rain in 1841 and promptly dropped dead. Didn’t wear an overcoat to prove he was a Macho Man.)

Grouseland.512

Down by Evansville on the Ohio River, Peter and I made a quick stop at Angel Mounds State Park, a fortified Shawnee city with great religious, commercial and military significance. We toured the museum and got to see the burial/lookout mounds from a distance.

Angel Mounds 300

From there we drove to the Abraham Lincoln Boyhood National Memorial in Spencer County. This is the 200th anniversary of Lincoln’s birth, and he is rightly revered in this place as the greatest American who ever lived. We caught the world premiere of a new outdoor play, simply called Lincoln, and I got to pose with one of the actors who portrayed a Union soldier, a bluecoat with big tall boots who stayed in character while we solemnly shook hands for the camera across the generations. The play I’d give mixed reviews (too much bouncing back and forth between time periods, too much carrying of props on and offstage), but the special effects are dramatic and the performers are professional. The playwright made several wise choices, including a look-forward to the results of Lincoln’s career , with Teddy and Franklin Roosevelt, Iwo Jima, John F. Kennedy and President Obama, who hopes to be a worthy successor to the Great One.

Lincoln_boyhood_monument.500

The French Lick Hotel and Resort, “8th Wonder of the World,” has contempt for its customers and should be avoided. Yes, it’s a grand place, but expect to pay $250 a night for the décor. I hated it.

French Lick Resort 600 NYT

We made a stop in Bedford, Indiana, home of the famous limestone that built the Empire State Building and other landmarks, because my Bro, Steve Moore, is buried there. I got to see his grave for the first time. I preached his funeral in 2001, but he wasn’t buried immediately for some reason, and I’d never been back to pay my respects and love and gratitude. Now I have been. From the cemetery we drove to his house and visited his best friends next door, Kirk and Terri. That was very special; I found out all that happened since.

Then we headed back north to Crawfordsville, hometown of my fictional hero Kent Kessler (Murder at Willow Slough). We stayed at a very nice, laidback bed and breakfast called Thelma’s House ($89/a night!) and were delighted with the setting, the amenities and the company. I pulled some weeds out of Doug’s wonderful landscaping.

Thelma's House 280

The next day we met a friend, retired cop Quentin Robinson, for brunch in Lafayette, and made an appointment to view some of his landscape photographs come Wednesday. Peter and I are both planning to buy a print or two; Quentin is very good with rural scenes that show my home country.

This land was Lincoln’s; it was Owen’s; it was Harrison’s and the Sieur de Vincennes. I am deeply pleased to have shown Peter where I’m from.++

Obama Defends Special Rights for Heteros

Obama Stonewalls

Cartoon: the Southern Voice

Episcopal Café notes that Barack Obama’s Justice Department is upholding the so-called Defense of Marriage Act:

President Obama’s administration filed a legal brief defending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in a court case seeking to overturn it. In effect the administration has come out defending the constitutionality of measures that give a privileged place in society to traditional opposite sex marriage.

If he doesn’t reverse it, he loses my vote. Period.

No action on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; he’s got “more important things to do.” And now this.

Bill Clinton also threw Gay people under the bus, so in 1996 I didn’t vote for him. (I also refused to support his conniving wife.) If this is how Obama wants to play it, he must suffer the consequences.

I am tired of paying for special rights and tax subsidies for heterosexuals. Hell hath no fury like a faggot scorned.

CNN & FOX: The Death Machine

cheney_baghdad_dick

This is in response to Frank Rich’s column, “Who Is to Blame in the Next Attack?” in the Sunday New York Times.

For my money Frank Rich is the best commentator in America, but today he didn’t go deep enough. He describes the ailment, but doesn’t diagnose it or prescribe any treatment.

So I, naturally, do. :-) See what you think.

The question Mr. Rich’s column raises (and doesn’t sufficiently answer, in my view) is why current members of Congress and the media are still intimidated by Darth Vader, the most repudiated American politician since Tricky Dick and even more despised; Nixon had an accomplishment or two, but Cheney, nothing.

It all has to do with the non-stop news cycle, or as I like to call it, Ted Turner’s Death Machine.

Television is all about filling up the time between commercials. That’s why non-events and phony ones get replayed endlessly; cable TV can’t think of anything else to say. And our scummy politicians have their eyeballs glued to it even in their sleep.

So the Death Machine takes on a life of its own, while newspapers, which actually take a whole day (and lots of shouting matches) to put together, are now seen as quaint antiques.

How many times do CNN and FOX have to be wrong before people stop paying attention? A thousand times, a hundred thousand, a million times? They passed that threshhold long ago. Remember Columbine and the “trenchcoat mafia”? It took the author Dave Cullen ten years to understand that horror and put it in perspective; ten years, not ten minutes.

But the audience’s eyes are as glued to TV as the politicians’ are, so tragic follies keep compounding. We can’t just blame Ted Turner anymore; try Pogo, “the enemy is us.”

The same ideology that’s ruined the entire world economy – American greed and its willing partner, consumptive materialism – is ruining our political system; and the fallout from that may be far worse than the Great Recession. If liberal democracy goes down, chaos is poised to follow.

There’s no other way to explain why Democratic senators refuse to shut down Gitmo; they’re terrified of criticism. If some whackjob on FOX says something, head for the hills! Never mind what the truth of the matter is; “the Limbaugh is coming! The Limbaugh is coming!” Senators are intimidated by him, instead of standing up to the British like we did in ‘76.

Paper tigers, all of them. Limbaugh’s alleged power comes from being on low-tech AM radio, which skews elderly. Talk radio is the last dying gasp of an inferior, staticky technology, and it’s conservative because its core audience is too set in its ways to upgrade to FM. Granny grew up with WOWO or WLW and it’s the only thing she knows. If AM didn’t have Limbaugh and his imitators, the entire band would have long ago gone bankrupt. Station owners don’t care how lunatic he gets, as long as he makes profits.

The only leader I see resisting this madness is President Obama, and he caves in to the Death Machine more than he needs to.

Where, oh where, is Toto when we need him to yank back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz? Dick Cheney’s nothing but an old man with a microphone and a smoke machine. Show him for what he is and he shuffles offstage.

Cheney’s image:

Wizard-of-oz

The reality:

toto-exposes-oz

But emphasize his mic like cable news does, and he’s frightening indeed, at least in Washington, D.C. Nowhere else, but that’s the place where mics count.

Cheney had to give his speech at the American Greed Institute because no one else would have him. Let him come to conservative, rural Indiana and hell, no one would even show up.

None of my neighbors, most of whom voted for him twice, will ever trust that man again with their sons and daughters. The old draft-dodger doesn’t think twice about sending them off to their doom.

It takes a lot for Hoosiers to vote for a Black man; but we did it anyway, because we understood Obama’s the only one standing between us and total geopolitical meltdown. He ain’t no messiah but he’s the only hope we’ve got.

The Democrats in Congress are as worthless as the Republicans; but in the midst of it all Barack took Michelle to dinner and Broadway. Thank goodness someone’s still attuned to normal life.

Darth Cheney? Come and gone.++

JoeTurner'sCome&Gone

What Makes a Good Cook?

ChefBoyardee

Chef Hector Boiardi, a Cleveland restaurateur, accidentally taught me how to cook.

I’m not sure how this happened, but I’ve been making the best darn food lately. It makes me wonder how a person gets to be a good cook.

Chefs are trained at schools like the Culinary Institute of America or even the local community college, but most home cooks don’t have the time or money for that. Maybe they want to take a cooking class, but mostly they just want to feed their family and friends, not whip up a banquet for 500. College programs are not very useful for the home cook. What makes some people really good at foodmaking, while others can’t even chop an onion?

I think it’s mostly a matter of experience. It takes a lot of cooking (and a lot of mistakes) to get any good at it. And even then a person still has to practice certain skills or she’ll forget.

It shocks me to realize this, but I’ve been cooking about 50 years now; I started when I was 7 or 8. No one taught me; I used to watch my grandmothers cook, but I was too little to trust with a knife. I’m sure I picked up some tips from them by osmosis, but otherwise I’m self-taught. My mother wasn’t much of a cook, although she played a crucial role in my learning, because she left home to go to college when I was in second grade, leaving my father, my two older brothers and me to fend for ourselves. My father couldn’t cook either, but my brothers and I ended up with some real skills. We’re all glad we learned, me especially, because I’ve never had a lover who could boil water. Hunger—and responsibility for others—make good teachers.

In second grade my father used to hand me a $20 bill and say, “Buy us a week’s worth of groceries.” As the youngest, I always got stuck with the jobs no one else wanted. But okay, Dad; I’d never even been in a grocery store before. And you can imagine, $20 didn’t go very far, even 50 years ago.

I’d buy bologna; that’s what we ate for sandwiches, one little slice apiece. I’d buy bread, which was often on sale at 3/$1, or 4 or even 5/$1. Today on sale, bread is $1.69 a loaf. I learned to watch my pennies and do all the adding in my head so I never “went over” at the checkout stand and had to put things back; it’s humiliating, and announces to the whole store that you’re poor.

I bought cereal for breakfast (Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes, Cheerios) and a gallon of milk; a pound of hamburger, but then what? We ate a lot of mixes, convenience foods really, something we called “Kraft dinner” (mac and cheese, the same ghastly stuff kids are still eating today) and “au gratin potatoes.” I’m not sure we ever had any meat on those nights, supper just came out of a box. But on a nearby grocery shelf I found Chef Boy-ar-Dee spaghetti with meat sauce: half a pound of pasta, a little can of parmesan, a can of sauce. I bought that a lot. Friends of my parents, an Irish-American who married an Italian girl, introduced us to spaghetti when I was six; noodles and red sauce and copious amounts of grated cheese, which scared us half to death. In those days kids hated cheese, this sour, awful, foreign stuff, and Mr. Paddock threw it everywhere. But we ate it to be polite, and it was okay, and then one day a couple of years later, I made my first big Grocery Discovery…

A few feet away was a one pound box of Mueller’s spaghetti, twice as much as came in the Boy-ar-Dee dinner. I kept looking, and found a can of Boy-ar-Dee meat sauce, again bigger than the mix. Eventually I found a bigger can of parmesan—that green box that isn’t really cheese at all, but I didn’t know that then. And I realized that I could save money by buying each thing separately—if not right at first, then surely in a week or two, because the spaghetti and the cheese would last for another meal. So that’s what I did.

I can’t tell you how proud I was the first time I was able to buy an extra package of lunchmeat with the money I saved. I felt like the Family Hero.

One day I noticed that the Mueller’s spaghetti box had a recipe for meat sauce on the back: hamburger, onions, herbs, tomatoes, paste and water. The directions told me me how to make my own sauce from scratch. So I tried it, the sauce came out okay, and for the first time I was cooking.

My Grandma used to make an excellent potato soup, and one day I found a recipe for that, too. Wow, it was great, just like hers, except I put little parsley flakes in mine, just like the book said!

I didn’t perfect my own spaghetti sauce until I was in my 20s, but now my recipe card says, “Joshua’s Patented Spaghetti Sauce.” I never deviate from it.

What makes a good cook? It’s not just following recipes, of course. It’s learning to invent your own stuff. “Hmm, I wonder what it would be like if I threw some of this in?”

Some people never make a dish the same way twice; I’m not that way. I learned by recipes and I still have a card file full of them. When I invent something, I write down what I’m doing as I go along, and if it turns out okay or I get a better idea, I write that down too. When Jack and I were together, I used to solicit his feedback after every meal. He was the kind of guy who would say (about anything), “It’s good.” But I had to pry out of him what was good about it; eventually he got better at critiquing. I also revise my recipes when something works better than usual.

I’m currently on a campaign to make every recipe I’ve gathered over the years; like a lot of home cooks, I tend to stick with the tried and true, making the same things over and over. But I decided, either make new things or throw the cards out, it doesn’t help to carry them around for decades if I never use them. So for the past several months I haven’t made any of the old standbys for dinner. (I do have a weakness for my apple muffins, though.)

Two nights ago for the first time in my life I made bread pudding; found a highly-rated formula on Recipezaar and tried it. Man, is it good! Grandma would call it a custard, and of course she’d be right. I decided to top it with homemade lemon sauce, and found a recipe for it in an old Herald-Tribune cookbook, 3rd edition, 1945, With Wartime Supplement. Grandma gave it to my mother for Christmas that year; my parents were married three months before. That’s the same book I got my potato soup recipe from all those years ago; I never knew my mother to use that cookbook, but I made sure I inherited it.

Tonight I made Joshua’s Mushroom Burgers, which I’d tried a couple of times back in the ’90s but was never satisfied with. Tonight I lit a fire in the charcoal grill, used my wire grilling basket so the burgers didn’t end up in the ashes, and mixed my ingredients. Mom used to have a wooden contraption for making hamburger patties a uniform size, but it’s long gone; I remember the principle of it, so I put down a sheet of waxed paper, stuck a ball of meat on it, covered it with more waxed paper and flattened it with a salad plate, which works just as well with no cleanup. On to the grill; I remembered to spray the wire basket so the meat didn’t stick to it, and decided on 5 minutes per side. The first burger was so good I ate two of them, and I never do that; I weigh 125 pounds soaking wet and it doesn’t take much to fill me up. But one quarter-pounder wasn’t enough, I ate two.

I also had a canteloupe from Florida that I took a chance on, and it was juicy and luscious, not like those awful melons from California. This one was almost as good as a Vincennes muskmelon, and those are the best in the world. (Knox County, Indiana grows incredible produce.)

Still, that recipe card for mushroom burgers is on its way out. It calls for chopping the mushrooms and working them into the ground beef with chopped onions, basil and sour cream, but I couldn’t taste the mushrooms at all, so it just doesn’t work. I’ll write a new card, Josh’s New Mushroom Burgers, with sautéed mushrooms on top so you can taste them. (I also make Ranch Burgers that are to die for.)

All in all I’m proud of my cooking finally. When I was with Jack and he was so sick, cooking was work, not something I enjoyed. But now it’s almost fun. That’s another sign of a good cook, having fun with the process of making a meal, not just the eating.

I’m a lot more sophisticated in the kitchen than I was when I was in grade school, but one thing hasn’t changed since I outgrew Chef Boy-ar-Dee: I make almost everything from scratch. I grow some of my own food and can my own tomatoes. In fact, I’m pretty old-fashioned; both my Grandmas would be right at home in my kitchen. I feel sorry for people I see at the grocery store today buying all this packaged junk with the chemicals and sodium. Home cooking has become polarized since the introduction of industrial packaged stuff, with high-end foodies turning out fabulous meals for 5% of the population, 10% who can still make something out of nothing, and the other 85% losing all ability to feed themselves without a microwave. No wonder America’s so fat.

I spend about $35 a week now on groceries, which is pretty low. It’s not $20 a week for four hungry guys, but I’m eating better than ever and the rest is inflation. I haven’t had a bologna sandwich in years, but if I did, I’d make it with two or three slices, plus cheese. And mayo, not ketchup like when I was a kid—Hellmann’s mayo, the good stuff. Accept no substitutes.

If you’re interested, here’s the new burger recipe.

Josh’s New Mushroom Burgers

1 lb. ground round
2-3 oz. sliced mushrooms
1/2 T butter or margarine
1/3 C chopped onion
3 T sour cream + 1 T sour cream later
1/2 t dried basil, crushed (or 2 t fresh)
1/2 t garlic salt
fresh ground pepper to taste
4 hamburger buns

Mix beef, onion, sour cream and seasonings in large bowl. Form into patties and grill over medium-high heat; turn after 5 minutes or so. Sauté mushrooms in butter in small frypan over the fire as burgers cook. When burgers are done, remove to plate; butter and toast buns, cut side down, for a minute. Top burgers with mushrooms, spread sour cream on bun tops. Enjoy!

And just for my own benefit, here’s a list of my permanent recipes; the others I’m still testing. You’ll see how traditional I am; I always was a Grandma’s Boy.

Josh’s Apple Muffins (big chunks)
Applesauce (homemade and warm, almost dessert)
Asparagus Italiano

Bacon-Cheddar Appetizers
Josh’s Better Baked Beans (vinegar & hot sauce)
Baking Powder Biscuits
Josh’s Banana Muffins
Peter’s Banana Oatmeal Cookies
Josh’s Bean Soup (with ham hocks)
Josh’s Basil Beef and Noodles
Beef Bourguignon
The Greatest Beef Stew
Beef Stroganoff
Beef Teriyaki Stir-Fry
Scott’s Blue Cheese Dip/Spread
Blueberry Muffins
Bread Pudding (brandied raisins!) and Lemon Sauce

Cashew Chicken
Josh’s Cream of Celery Soup
Blue-Cheddar Cheese Ball
Cheese Biscuits
Cherry Cheese Bars (great at Christmas)
Chicken à l’orange
Chicken Alfredo
Chicken and Noodles
Josh’s Chicken and Rice Casserole
Chicken and Rice Soup
Chicken Cacciatore
Chicken Florentine
Chicken Fried Steak (a Hoosier Specialty)
Lemon Chicken Marinade
Josh’s Chicken Noodle Soup
Barbara’s Chicken Parisienne
Chicken Parmesan
Josh’s Chicken Salad with dill
Josh’s Chicken Tarragon (my first real invention)
Chicken Tetrazzini
Coq au Vin
Josh’s Bacon Corn Chowder
Martha’s Sweet Corn
Cornmeal Muffins
Crabcakes
Crabmeat Casserole
Croutons with Herb and Garlic; Homemade Bread Crumbs
Josh’s Cucumber Soup (perfect for a summer day)
Cucumbers and Onions

Deviled Eggs

Eggs à la Wild Mushroom (a defunct New York restaurant, 9th Ave at 23rd)

French Toast (a childhood recipe, with jam and syrup)
Hoosier Fried Chicken (secret: cast iron skillet)
Josh’s Fried Perch
Josh & Mom’s Fruit Salad
Josh’s Potato Frittata

Gazpacho
Grandma’s Goulash (both Grandmas)
Evie’s Southr’n Style Green Beans (pronounced suth-run)
Green Bean Casserole (so sue me, it’s good)
Grilled Chicken Quarters
Grilled Potato Slices
Guacamole

Ham and Mushroom Crepes
Mom’s Hoosier Chili (Jack called it Tomatoburger Soup; not hot)
Hoosier Macaroni
Josh’s Hungarian Goulash

Italian Chicken Rolls

Kessler Cocktail (virgin mary)

Leftover Pot Pie

Macaroni and Cheese Not From a Box
Macaroni Salad
Mashed Potato Casserole
Mustard Meat Loaf
New Meat Loaf
Minestrone
Mom’s Onion Dip (best thing she made, so filed under M for Mom)
Moo Goo Gai Pan
Mushroom Quiche
Mushrooms Royale
Vincennes Muskmelon Shake (OJ and protein powder, stunning)
Mustard Sauce

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Martha’s Pan Gravy (my mother’s was this cream stuff, tasty but leaden, the opposite of kosher)
Pasta Primavera
Pasta Salad
Peach Cobbler (cherry, blueberry)
Peach Tea
Evie’s Peas ‘n’ Cheese
Pepperoni Salad
Pork Chops & Vegetables
Slow-Cooked Pork Chops with Apples
Dave’s Baked Pork Chops with Dressing
Grilled Pork Tenderloin Sandwiches (another Hoosier classic)
Pot Roast in Foil
Pot Roast with Vegetables
Mom’s Potato Salad (she did a few things well, this was one)
Grandma’s Potato Soup

Quiche Lorraine
Quick Chick

Josh’s Ranch Burgers
Josh’s Red Beans and Rice (key: soy sauce)
Fancy Rice
Stovetop Rice Pudding
Roasted Potatoes

Sage Dressing
Salad Dressings (vinegrettes – Dill, Italian, Sweet & Sour, Tarragon Italian)
Salisbury Steak
Josh’s Salmon Casserole
Ed’s Grilled Salmon Ponzu
Jamie’s Sausage Gravy
Sausage Zatarain
Scalloped Potatoes
Scalloped Tomatoes
Fried Scallops
Seafood Quiche
Josh’s Marinated Shrimp Kabobs
Skillet Stroganoff
Spaghetti Carbonara
Joshua’s Patented Spaghetti Sauce
Steak Diane Flambé
Josh’s Steak Soup
Strawberry Sauce
Josh’s Stuffed Peppers
Stuffed Pork Chops
Cheese- and Meat-Stuffed Shells (conchiglione)
Sweet and Sour Meatballs
Sweet and Sour Pork, Chicken or Shrimp
Josh’s Swiss Steak

Grandma’s Tomato Juice
Tuna-Pasta Salad
Josh’s New Tuna Mac
Tuna and Noodle Casserole
Slow-Cook Tuscan Beef Stew

Josh’s Grilled Veggie Kabobs

Waikiki Meatballs
Martha’s Whiskey Sour

Baked Ziti

* * *

A gardening note: the deck is done, with five urns of petunias. I like petunias, but they’re a pain in the ass because you have to deadhead them all the time. I used to plant dozens of them in the ground, which meant sitting and bending constantly, and the flowers are sticky; no fun. Maybe they’ll be less work in the urns, I’ll walk past them all the time and won’t ignore them, and with only 3 plants per urn to deal with, they’ll be less of a hassle. The colors are pretty and they cheer up the deck, which also has boxes of marigolds and begonias.

Meanwhile here’s a Petunia for you to look at.++

PetuniaPig

Triumph of the “Ritualists”

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Rood screen and balcony at St. Etienne du Mont, France. The English Reformation destroyed all such ornaments, but now the tide has turned.

The Episcopal Church has changed so much in my lifetime it’s really hard to fathom. We all know about women priests and bishops, the gradual integration of LGBT people into parish life and leadership, the increasing racial and ethnic diversity; as dramatic and necessary as these developments are, they’re not the biggest changes we’ve seen. We’ve become a Catholic church, with Mass every Sunday.

We still have some Protestant attitudes, which I’m glad for (I do protest the pope); but in these past 30 years our transformation is fairly complete. In 1979 the General Convention gave final approval to a new version of the
Book of Common Prayer, which emphasizes the Holy Eucharist, not a prayer service, as the supreme act of Christian worship on Sundays and other feast days.

That changed everything. Yet it wasn’t a revolutionary act but an evolutionary one.

I wish my mentor Howard Galley were here to see what he wrought, as general editor of the “new” BCP. No doubt he knew exactly what he was getting us into, but I wish he were here now to witness how these developments have spread and the joy that’s resulted.

Our church is smaller now; we’ve gone from being the church of George Washington and the Queen of England, lawyers and bankers and capitalists, to being the church of the upper middle class on down, all the way to the homeless. That’s a tremendous achievement, though it’s come at quite a cost in numbers, money and prestige. Still, Jesus wasn’t a prestigious fellow, just the son of a workingman, and that’s a sign that we’re more closely following The Way.

Two years ago I toured Episcopal churches from east to west and north to south, stopping in big cities, suburbs and rural areas. Mass is the principal Sunday service in every one of those churches, and no one complains about it; the dissenters have left or died off. The faithful look forward to Mass every Sunday. Increasingly, “Mass” is what they call it; one syllable vs. the three-syllable Greek jawbreaker “Eucharist.” Parents tell their kids, “Wake up, baby, it’s time to go to Mass.”

And the liturgy itself has become incredibly rich. Some would say it still has a ways to go, but I’m speaking in general terms now, what I saw two years ago in all those varied parishes.

We are perhaps more devoted to the Daily Office of Morning and Evening Prayer in its dailyness than we ever were before 1979, when half our churches were still “Morning Prayer parishes.” My own parish was one of them; we had Holy Communion at 8 a.m. for a small congregation, then Morning Prayer or Communion at 10:30 for a large congregation. In the olden days Communion was held once a month at 10:30, then that changed to every other week, and now for many years it’s what we always do at both services.

I operate a website called dailyoffice.org, which gets about 250 visitors a day for Morning and Evening Prayer. These are people who pray once or twice a day (or more, I also offer Noonday and Latenight services) because they find it spiritually helpful to center themselves, sanctify the passage of time and to dedicate it to God. A similar website gets several times more daily visitors, and untold thousands pray the Daily Office at home or in small groups. Praying the Office every day is one of the best things a person can do to get closer to God. As I put the website together each day, I visit parish sites all over the country to see what other people are doing. In my 4 1/2 years of posting the daily services, I’ve run into exactly one holdout “Morning Prayer parish” in upstate New York. The takeover of the Catholic religion is complete. We are all Catholics now, and we love it.

We’re still not papists, which makes me laugh with satisfaction.

But it is one thing to substitute (actually, restore) the sacrament instead of the prayer service, and another to learn/relearn to liturgize and ritualize our lives, which we’re also doing. The sacrament has its own objective value, including the power to convert our souls to God; but the physical acting out of human needs and truths, universal or personal, also has great power. This acting out is what I mean by liturgy and ritual.

To the post-modern mind “ritual” is some sort of archaic throwback, a mindless repetition of mumbo-jumbo, not at all desirable or even respectable. But oh, we do fool ourselves. Try having a birthday; if no one sends you a card or gives you a cake or sings you a song, you go to your room and pout, “No one cares.” Try going to a football game; if the band never plays the School Song, you’ll go home in a rage.

Rituals are very much the stuff of life, but the term’s taken on suspicious connotations now—except when it’s the 4th of July and you don’t get your picnic and fireworks. Why, the injustice of it all! You’re entitled to burnt weenies and deviled eggs!

Episcopalians are ritualizing like never before, and I’m glad. In fact I could use more of it.

My parish had several baptisms last Easter Eve, new initiates from toddler age to very young adults. It was a joyous occasion, but I found myself wishing that our clergy knew about the post-baptismal ritual of the priest who baptized me. I was too young to remember it, but my mother often spoke about it; she loved what the priest did. When the ceremony was done, he would carry a baby all around the church, saying, “Look at your new brother or sister in Christ.” Everyone got a chance to coo at the little one, or feel sympathy if she cried, and the parents were always so proud at having their baby shown off for all the world to see. My brothers and I were baptized at ages 2, 5 and 7, three stairstep boys; I was the little one. Fr. Ferguson held my hand and walked us all up and down the aisles as the congregation applauded.

On Easter Eve I kept waiting for the applause, and it didn’t happen. So the baptism didn’t feel complete to me, because the People didn’t get a chance to respond, to say Welcome.

Another ritual which I’ve often written about: Fr. Ben was the rector of my home parish when I came of age and fell in love with the 1928 Book of Common Prayer and the Hymnal 1940. Ben was many things, and in later years a bit of a drag on parish life, but he was also the best at priestcraft I’ve ever seen. No one, in the 40 parishes I visited in 2007, could hold a candle to him, he was that good. “Priestcraft” refers to the ritual, the liturgizing of the priest’s and church’s actions—the physical acting out, illustrating and making of sacrament, which the whole Body of Christ (the People) participate in. (And this was with his back to us in those days.)

Here’s what Ben would do during the Words of Administration, the actual delivering of the Bread and Wine to the communicants. I’ve never seen anyone else do this. The words are (Rite I):

The Body of our Lord Jesus Christ, which was given for thee, preserve thy body and soul unto everlasting life. Take and eat this in remembrance that Christ died for thee, and feed on him in thy heart by faith, with thanksgiving.

Communicants knelt at the altar rail, maybe said a silent prayer before he came to us, and we held our hands, one cupped in the other, up and out towards him to receive. He placed the Host, a wafer in those days, into our palm. Then he covered our hands with his, which made this action entirely personal; an exchange between him and me, God and me. He pronounced the words, “The Body of our Lord Jesus Christ, which was given for thee…”

Or “in remembrance that Christ died for thee…”

It was earth-shaking, the most shatteringly beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me. Sunday after Sunday I’d come down from that rail grinning from ear to ear. For me! Christ died for me!

Parishioners got in the habit of watching me every Sunday come back from the altar with that look on my face. It pleased them and reinforced their own joy.

So something was lost and something gained in Prayer Book revision; Rite I is seldom used in the church anymore, we can do without the thee’s and thou’s. They’re bad for mission and un-Anglican, with our tradition of using language people actually speak and understand. But I wouldn’t give you 2¢ for the words the ‘79 Book substitutes:

The Gifts of God for the People of God.

Doesn’t mean the same thing at all. Generic gifts for everybody, not “the Body of our Lord Jesus Christ, which was given for you.”

Fr. Ben had it right, and Howard Galley was wrong. (I intend to tell him all about it as soon as I see him in heaven.)

All this brings me round to a guy I’ve studied a bit lately, the 19th century English priest and saint John Mason Neale. He was the leading “ritualist” of his day. He’s principally remembered today as a hymnodist, but as great a gift as his hymns were to the Church, even more important was his great insight into the theology of aesthetics. He knew (as the leaders of the Oxford Movement did not) the power of beautiful worship to convert the soul.

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Thus he sparked the final and decisive chapter in the longstanding “vestment wars” of the Church of England, which had been going on for 300 years of Reformation. It’s shocking now to realize, but people used to riot if a priest wore a surplice over his cassock, much less a cope or chasuble, things we now take entirely for granted. Candles on the altar? How dare you? “He’s a papist—kill him!”

My my my, and look at us now with finery everywhere for a reason: fancy stuff helps the People think and feel.

In their zeal to reform the medieval Catholic church, English and Continental reformers tried to get rid of everything that reminded them of Rome that didn’t have explicit mention in the New Testament. Their theory was that the earliest practice of the Church was the only acceptable practice, and no mention was made of what clothes the priest wore. (This was part of what we now know as Bibliolotry, worship of the Bible rather than Jesus Christ.)

Mind you, these are the same people who basically threw out the Mass most of the year, when it’s plain in the NT that the Church’s earliest practice was the most frequent Breaking of the Bread. Quite a contradiction there, but the Mass was too Popish! (It’s the same reason you see Baptist churches today with steeples and no cross on top; idiotic, to my mind. Lift that Cross up high so everyone can see it.)

Neale understood that distinctive, beautiful clothes for the clergy, along with candles on the altar and other decorations, marked the Service of the Church as special, and thus inspired the People’s reverence.

These trappings don’t detract from one of the great insights of the Reform, that priesthood is shared by all believers. The clergy are simply those men and women we set apart to lead us; as Howard Galley often said, “Together we make Eucharist.”

(This is also why, in the English Church unlike the Roman, a priest can’t celebrate Mass by himself. If there are no People present, it doesn’t happen. I believe that’s absolutely right; the sacrament doesn’t exist for the priest’s private benefit, but grows out of the “two or three gathered together.”)

Today in my home parish and diocese, the church buildings are too plain. This is a legacy of our former Low Church/Broad Church tradition. Our current rector has beautified the worship space somewhat, but it still looks too Presbyterian to me. We do not employ all the teaching tools at our disposal. I suppose there might still be parishioners who would object to using more Catholic symbols, but I doubt such persons are in the majority. The symbols help us reach for God—which is the principal selling point for any Christian church; does this place, this congregation, help you get closer to God, or not? We know that if we reach for God, God reaches back twice as far for us and embraces us. So why are we not using every teaching tool available?

Fr. Ed, the current rector, has done a magnificent job of building upon our local tradition of excellence in music, with the help of talented music directors. We can’t do Christmas Eve without our string quartet, it’s just not good enough anymore. God deserves the best we can give, and so do the People. Music has conversion power; music can make a doubter believe again, because we somehow grasp that all true art comes from God and is creative in a human, mortal way, like God is creative in an immortal, cosmic way.

I hope a future rector will introduce incense into the celebration of Mass. We don’t have to use it every week, and there are ways to manage the smoke without causing coughing fits, but:

Let my prayer be set forth in your sight as incense, *
the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

(Ps. 141:2)

We need to see the crucifix, the cross with the body on it. I can’t stress enough the importance of this, though it’s a symbol Protestants don’t understand or accept. I remember my Protestant Grandmother saying once about the plain vs. the adorned cross, “We believe that Christ rose from the dead.” To which the rejoinder is, “So do we! But how is it exactly that Jesus took away the sins of the world, if not his crucifixion?”

It is wrong to deprive us of this powerful symbol. Indeed it is the principal symbol we should look at.

“The Body of our Lord Jesus Christ, which was given for thee…”

Beyond the atonement, if such it was, and the reconciliation of God and humankind the crucifixion achieved, there is another huge lesson in the symbol of the Body on the Cross. In this one image, we can see all of Christ’s counsel for how we should live our lives.

Jesus said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

(John 15:12-13 NRSV)

No, we’re not supposed to get crucified; none of us ’cause Jesus already did that, a once-for-all thing. But loving self-sacrifice is indeed the heart of Christ’s Gospel.

We see it on the battlefield; we see it in policing and firefighting, teaching and nursing, all manner of public service. We see it in the sacrifices parents make for children, and children make for parents, and lovers make for each other.

This is love acted out.

So it’s not my fault or John Mason Neale’s if you don’t like the sound of “ritual.” Try going without a turkey next Thanksgiving and see how well you like it. Don’t put up a Christmas tree or give any presents; tell the kids the Easter Bunny didn’t bring any jelly beans or chocolate, see how popular that makes you.

We need physical ways to express our love, because words alone don’t cut it. The Book of Common Prayer since Cranmer’s original in 1549 has been the supreme expression of English Christianity because it’s so well-written. But it’s only words, appealing mostly to the mind, when we also have bodies that have to move. So we sing hymns, we have parades, we applaud little babies after we pour water on their heads; we not only break bread in full view of the People now, we show them all what we’ve done. We lift up a fine chalice of the Blood of Christ to make sure everyone can see. On Palm Sunday we walk around the block waving greenery and singing, even if that startles a pothead smoking his morning joint on the front porch. On Easter Eve we light a bonfire, on Easter morn we gather in the mountains. On Low Sunday we huddle together and pass the Peace, shaking hands and hugging. We ritualize everything now, and we’re better off because of it.

The Episcopal Church has grown in faith by leaps and bounds in my lifetime, which is why we now have women of color up front and LGBTs as healing ministers, a food pantry in the parish hall, addicts in the Bishop’s Parlor, ex-cons at Craine House, refugees in scattered apartments, liturgical dance practice in the nave and podcasts of Julian of Norwich. Bankers are still welcome, but if they don’t come we’re too busy to miss ‘em.

Then the seventh angel blew his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven, saying,

“The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord
and of his Messiah,
and he will reign forever and ever.”

Then the twenty-four elders who sit on their thrones before God fell on their faces and worshiped God, singing,

“We give you thanks, Lord God Almighty,
who are and who were,
for you have taken your great power
and begun to reign.
The nations raged,
but your wrath has come,
and the time for judging the dead,
for rewarding your servants, the prophets
and saints and all who fear your name,
both small and great,
and for destroying those who destroy the earth.”

Then God’s temple in heaven was opened, and the ark of his covenant was seen within his temple; and there were flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, an earthquake, and heavy hail.

(Rev. 11:15-19 NRSV)

And here you thought you were a drama queen! God’s got you beat.++