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Holy Roller in the White House: Palin “the Perfect Woman”

America’s Hottest Governor, according to Alaska magazine; not the smartest, not the best, just the hottest. Hillary Clinton canceled a potential appearance with her today.

The New York Times, in a report today by David D. Kirkpatrick titled “Abortion Issue Again Dividing Catholic Votes,” came up with this gem from a retired social worker in Scranton, Pa. named Paul MacDonald:

The choice of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska as Mr. McCain’s running mate had clinched it for him, Mr. MacDonald said. “She is anti-abortion, anti-gay-marriage, anti-Big Oil, a lifetime member of the N.R.A., she hunts, she fishes — she is the perfect woman!”

Quick, hand me a barf bag. She’s a holy-rolling, tongues-speaking religious extremist who thinks the Iraq War is a “task that is from God” that will hasten Armageddon, at which she and her fanatics will be “raptured” and plucked from the streets for immediate ascension into heaven while the rest of us poor mortals suffer at the hands of an angry and sadistic God.

And Republicans accuse Obama supporters of messianic fervor? Puh-lease. Someone teach Mr. MacDonald some Catholicism.

Social workers might also want to show him their Code of Ethics. He’s obviously unfamiliar with its demands for justice for the poor.

His claim that Palin is “anti-Big Oil” is ludicrous. Like all Alaska politicians she wants someone else to pay the cost of state government, which taxes its citizens harder than any other state. So she made a deal to charge the oil companies more; that doesn’t make her anti-Big Oil. She can’t wait to climb into bed with Big Oil, she just charges them more for their fun. So guess their response: they just jack up the price in the other 49 states. Alaska’s been running this scam for decades. Every taxpayer in the United States subsidizes Alaska.

There is so much in her nomination to object to—Troopergate, her soap-opera plotting, her meanness, her cronyism, her rapacious greed for earmarks, her complete lack of foreign policy credentials (“You can see Russia from an island in Alaska”)—that I won’t attempt to field-dress her here. My focus is on her religion, which appears to be so far over the edge that Catholics in Scranton would be appalled if they knew. Obviously they don’t know; they don’t read, they watch TV.

But first, this caution: we don’t really know Palin’s personal religious beliefs. All we know is who she’s associated with, a bunch of far-out Assembly of God churches with the most bizarre beliefs imaginable. Nico Pitney and Sam Stein of The Huffington Post report:

The [Wasilla Assembly of God, where she was baptized at age 12] church runs a number of ministries providing help to poor neighborhoods, care for children in need, and general community services. But Pastor Kalnins has also preached that critics of President Bush will be banished to hell; questioned whether people who voted for Sen. John Kerry in 2004 would be accepted to heaven; charged that the 9/11 terrorist attacks and war in Iraq were part of a war “contending for your faith;” and said that Jesus “operated from that position of war mode.”

Kalnins, as reported again by The Huffington Post:

What you see in a terrorist — that’s called the invisible enemy. There has always been an invisible enemy. What you see in Iraq, basically, is a manifestation of what’s going on in this unseen world called the spirit world. … We need to think like Jesus thinks. We are in a time and a season of war, and we need to think like that. We need to develop that instinct. We need to develop as believers the instinct that we are at war, and that war is contending for your faith. … Jesus called us to die. You’re worried about getting hurt? He’s called us to die. Listen, you know we can’t even follow him unless you are willing to give up your life. … I believe that Jesus himself operated from that position of war mode. Everyone say “war mode.” Now you say, wait a minute Ed, he’s like the good shepherd, he’s loving all the time and he’s kind all the time. Oh yes he is — but I also believe that he had a part of his thoughts that knew that he was in a war.

Oh yeah, everyone say “war mode.” Amen, hallelujah, praise da Lawd! Yabba yibba yabba yibba, boogie doogie bumble bah, supercalifragilistic, bibby booby bobby doo!

(And please don’t forget the “expialidocious,” because I’m a Julie Andrews fan.)

The “unseen spirit world” is what marks this guy as a nutcase Reconstructionist (a theology repeatedly condemned by the Assemblies of God, though it infects many of their churches). Reconstructionists believe there are demons lurking everywhere, seducing individuals, cities, nations, the whole world—and that God wants people to fight Satan by invading Iraq, curing homos, accumulating wealth and voting Republican.

Kalnins makes Obama’s preacher problem look like child’s play. But let’s stick to the facts. Gov. Palin cannot be guilty by association. What matters is what she herself has said.

In June 2008, long before anyone in the Lower 48 had ever heard of her, in a speech at Kalnin’s commissioning (graduation) service for lay missionaries, Palin asked people to pray for her $30 billion natural gas pipeline proposal, as if that’s something God’s concerned about.

“I think God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that,” she said.

Global warming? Not man-made, she claims. Polar bears? Not endangered, she wrote in The New York Times (as she was suing the Federal government for saying they are indeed in danger of going extinct).

John McCain’s lust for the presidency has already caused him to change every position he took in 2000, when he actually was a maverick who challenged his own party on taxes, campaign finance and the toxic influence of Fundamentalist bigots. Now he’s done a 180; everything he used to be against he’s now for.

He realized from his defeat eight years ago that Fundamentalists control the Republican Party. So if he’s going to win, he has to give them everything they want. He gave them Sarah Palin; he didn’t have to vet her. That’s the part the national media have missed. Troopergate? Irrelevant. A knocked-up teenage daughter? She’s keeping the baby and marrying the father (though he’s not looking for longterm commitment). Palin is a talented politician, comfortable with cameras and microphones, and she provides the Christian Reconstructionist boost he needed (though his convention bounce was short-lived and Obama’s back ahead).

Hey, how many copies of the “Left Behind” series did Tim LaHaye sell? Some 75 million since 1995, according to one source. That’s a lot of voters.

It’s interesting that when McCain doesn’t have Palin with him, he draws paltry crowds. He generates very little enthusiasm by himself. After all, he’s the oldest presidential candidate ever, a cancer patient who’s suffered repeated bouts of melanoma. If, God forbid, it kills him, he’ll bequeath us President Palin, ready to do battle with Iraq, Russia, Iran and all those other demon-dominated countries in “the spirit world.”

“She is anti-abortion, anti-gay-marriage, anti-Big Oil, a lifetime member of the N.R.A., she hunts, she fishes — she is the perfect woman!”

Kyrie eleison.
Christe eleison.
Kyrie eleison.

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