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He Hates His “SSA”

A writer on a blog somewhere has done an exposé about workshops where they try to cure homosexuality. He lies his way into a group of guys battling their SSA (same-sex attraction, you mortals) and ends up paying $700 plus airfare to fly from Sacramento to a cabin in the desert outside Phoenix, where other men try to be a better father to him than his real father was. Or somethin’. Because they think the reason he’s Gay is his father was cold or rejecting or incompetent.

This is a variation on the previous theory of queerness, that Mom was the problem. No siree, Mom was just fine, it was Dad who was all screwed up. Don’t you feel better now?

The writer’s report is interesting; there’s enormous secrecy involved, confidentiality agreements and hush-hush; then when you get there it’s this series of homoerotic touchy-feely exercises designed to replace your Dad, if not beat him to death, as well as sitting in a circle while some guy bangs a tom-tom.

Hello, this costs $700? Why would you pay even $70?

The reporter’s story is reasonably entertaining, or appalling, or however you’re used to regard such inside looks into the Secret World of Homo Doctors. He didn’t fascinate me. But this guy did; he called himself Dannon and left this comment.

You’re nothing but a left-wing fascist. You have no respect for the thousands of people with SSA who know that what they have is a neurosis and an addiction. What do you know about our suffering? This is America: we have the right to want to change. If people can decide to change their gender, why can’t they decide to change their sexual orientation? The mainstream gay world feels threatened and wants to defend its rights by squashing the rights of people with unwanted SSA.

I don’t think much of Rich Wyler and Richard Cohen (tried their seminars, was not impressed). There are much more professional approaches (Joseph Nicolosi, http://www.narth.org). The reason amateurs Wyler and Richard Cohen thrive is because people with unwanted SSA have been abandoned by the psychological profession, under pressure from politically correct fascists like yourself.

I do think your reporting is valuable in that it confirms my doubts about Richard Wyler, but if you have ANY shame and any scruples, why don’t you make it your next project to talk (openly, not behind a mask) to people with unwanted SSA so you can convince yourself that we’re not all repressed and under the influence of religion. I’m a Jewish-born left-wing atheist. I have SSA because I was emotionally abused by my mother and father. Duh!

You’re not even reporting accurately. Rich Wyler’s organization is NOT Christian. He NEVER talks about Jesus. You’re incompetent as well as prejudiced.

Get a real job and stop harassing a persecuted minority. Try to act like the scientist that you’re not and find out how many people with unwanted SSA were actually abused by their parents.

Hmm. This man tells us he’s suffering, and we have to take that as true.

He’s even part of a “persecuted minority,” which is kind of pushing it, but okay: what is he telling us, what is he going through, how can we help?

He can’t even say the word “Gay,” it’s all about his unwanted “SSA.” This is shorthand that the professional homophobes have taught their followers, but keep trying to listen. What is his complaint?

You have no respect for the thousands of people with SSA who know that what they have is a neurosis and an addiction.

Well, thousands of people; we ought to pay attention to them. He’s saying that a lot of people suffer this way and yes, that matters.

But what on earth is this?

what they have is a neurosis and an addiction.

Where’s the neurosis? What’s the addiction?

What in fact are you saying, except that YOU DON’T WANT TO BE GAY?

Help me understand, because I don’t.

Do you think women are really beautiful, but you just can’t get it up?

Are you saying you want to have kids? Go have some; being Gay’s got very little to do with it.

Do you want to be in a Hollywood movie? Live a great love story? You can; you’ll find they’re all fiction, but you can.

Do you want to be “normal?” If so, why?

What’s the big problem exactly? Teach us, because we really don’t know.

When you start using words like neurosis, we begin to think about psychiatrists, who have—nearly all of them; pay attention, please—decided Gayness isn’t a neurosis at all, or any kind of mental illness. Where did you go to medical school, dude?

Trot out “addiction” and I’ll show you people who will DIE if they don’t get their fix. Didn’t you ever see “Lady Sings the Blues,” or “The Long Weekend,” or any other movie where it’s graphically painful that addicts go through withdrawal if they don’t get their smack? What do you have to compare—except a desire to see handsome naked Calvin Boys every day?

You’re not gonna die from this, fella. Don’t trivialize addiction this way.

But still, let’s try to hang with him here. This comment is a cry from the heart if ever there was one. What can caring people (much less the Church) do to relieve his suffering?

we’re not all repressed and under the influence of religion. I’m a Jewish-born left-wing atheist. I have SSA because I was emotionally abused by my mother and father. Duh!

Now I start to hear him louder and clearer. I’m glad he’s not a brainwashed fundamentalist type; he’s saying he’s not religious in the least, so that’s not the source of his pain.

What is?

I was emotionally abused by my mother and father.

That I care about.

I doubt it’s what made him Gay, but he thinks it is, so okay for now. The important thing is his experience of abuse, which he’s telling us made him crazy.

I take that for the Gospel truth.

We have no way to know from his brief statement what the facts of his abuse were, only that he underwent them.

I want to tell him, It wasn’t fair! It should never have happened.

But he knows that, and the thing now is that he needs to heal from it. I don’t blame him a bit for anything he does that he thinks might bring him healing.

My own experience is it takes at least 50 years to heal from child abuse—maybe longer. It may be easier to heal if instead of thinking about it, you simply make a decision, I AM GETTING AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE.

That’s the crucial variable. It’s not an easy thing no matter what your mindset.

This is the part that’s not true, Dannon.

The mainstream gay world feels threatened and wants to defend its rights by squashing the rights of people with unwanted SSA.

We don’t feel the least bit threatened by guys like you. We’d help you if we knew how.

But it always comes back to that same question, Why is your “SSA” so unwanted? Why have you checked out Richard Wyler, enough to know he’s an unchristian quack charging $700 a pop for a workshop that doesn’t work, then mortgaged your psychic life to the all-time quack Joe Nicolosi, who charges thousands of dollars and has been repudiated by every psychiatrist in the country? Man, that’s nuttier than a fruitcake, knowwhatImean?

Homophobia’s the only reason I can come up with. And we can’t do much about that, when the reason your “SSA” is “unwanted” is because you don’t like people like me. You don’t want to be one of us. You want to be different. You want a therapy that doesn’t exist, and can’t exist, because it would attempt to fix something that isn’t broken in the first place; that’s natural, and beautiful to some of us, and in any event ubiquitous.

There’s no place you can go to cure your homosexuality; believe me, if most of us over 50 had found the cure, we’d have told you!

There isn’t a cure, Dannon; it isn’t a sickness. There’s only falling in love with a really hot guy who falls in love with you.

Meanwhile we suggest to one and all that you avoid these “ex-Gay” seminars, take your $700 plus airfare and go to some nice resort where the guys are all wearing little skivvy trunks, lying in the sun and hoping to meet you.

No one needs to hear, Dannon, that we’re all “neurotic and addicted,” just because you are. It’s your problem, buddy. Man up.++

7 Responses

  1. Wow, that certainly got things going! Josh, that ¨man-up¨ part is exactly where I think the Universe is *at* with the LGBT issues (of course women may have to woman-up and transgenders will have to opt-up-and-out along with the bi´s who can ¨allskate¨ or whatever turns them on).

    I don´t ever remember wanting to ¨not be Gay¨…that includes before I knew what Gay was but liked men…my Dad looked like Tyrone Power and my Mom looked like Greer Garson and they were both super parents who wanted to live and build the American Dream…that dream naturally included having two children (preferably one boy and one girl…they aced that part) and a Cocker Spaniel or a Labador…Our family had ¨Taffy¨ the queen of Cocker Spaniels which is probably the biggest reason I´m Gay…hugging Gold cockerspaniels will do it everytime…no, but seriously, the reason that I´m Gay has NOTHING to do with my loving and demonstrative parents…it´s about my 5 year older sister the axe murderess…quite often I was attacked by this jealous fiend because I was CUTE (and everyone/everywhere said so although I´m certain she received compliments too if she hadn´t been obsessed with murderous thoughts that blocked the incoming listening devise that God gave her). So, there you have it! I did what you advised and have stayed FAR, FAR, AWAY FROM HER! Interesting detail of her life is that she married a very tiresome fellow who came from FUNDAMENTALIST Christian stock and she became a overly enthusiastic, some would say nutso, zealot! Her kids seem untouched by this and lived through her endless childhood ¨Godly beatings¨ to become full sized Heterosexuals with kids of their own…go figure? I had a dinner party for my sister last year when I was in the States, it was her birthday…she was charming, friendly and kind…that part was good but I´m still not straight!!! Dang!!!

  2. BTW…I did almost succeed in killing myself with alcohol/other because I was ashamed of being GAY (please note that is not the same as not wanting to be Gay)!

    Mil Gracias,


  3. Dang, buddy!

    Do you know, I have a line in my second book about that certain star you mentioned? A potential donor to Andy’s Big Idea (a Gay university), an old sour queen in San Francisco known as the Dowager Empress of Old Alcatraz, decides that Jeremy, Student #1, looks like “the next Tyrone Power.” So the old man makes a donation that finally puts Andy over the top on his $100 million worldwide fundraising goal.

    This sets off a massive celebration bigger than Jerry Herman could pull off.

    Meanwhile down in the Castro, examining the check, young people in the Development Office are left asking each other, “Well, that’s very nice. But if Jeremy’s the next Tyrone Power, who the hell was the last Tyrone Power?”

  4. Leonardo, the entire Episcopal Church is glad you lived through it, didn’t do it and are still here. We need you; you have a moral voice that other people respect, depend on and look for.

    It’s some kind of gloria, pal; soon what we’ll find is that resurrection means your body, your soul, your personhood. It isn’t just that pie in the sky crap, buddy; it’s you.

  5. Well, to me much of what is talked about on the peoplecanchange.com website rings true, and sounds healthy. Even if someone does not believe that they can change their orientation, many of the truths shared on that website can help homosexuals heal, which is a good thing: developing a more comfortable masculine self-identity, confronting fears and perceived rejections by men, feeling loved and affirmed by all kinds of men, receiving love/affection/attention from straight men that we find attractive, repairing relationships with father and mother, resolving issues of abuse/shame/neglect, receiving spiritual healing by coming unto Christ or God via repentance, etc. Even if one does not believe that one can change to complete heterosexuality, I have seen in the gay community many of these problems that this program could heal, as opposed to just making them only sexually attracted to women (which I believe is not the real focus). Why did this article not delve more deeply into these important issues that would help their gay brothers attain a greater sense of well-being? To me, God is not asking us to change our homosexuality as much as wanting us to become complete, whole, healed, forgiven, repaired, cleaned, happy, useful, etc. So, to me, this report is a little biased as well, and I wish that the writers would, instead of bashing the program, also create an loving alternative that offers these same types of experiences for their homosexual friends to experience greater joy in this life. Homosexuals deserve to experience these things just as much as the heteros do.

  6. What crapola, RAD. Most Gay men are not the inadequate, insecure types you make us out to be. We don’t need to be “repaired, cleaned,” etc. and we’re already happy and useful. We’ve made peace with our parents and we don’t need attention, much less love and affection, from those Straight guys you find so attractive. That’s a losing proposition if ever there was one.

    If you think that sexual orientation conversion is not the “real focus” of peoplecanchange, Narth, Joe Nicolosi and the rest of their bogus industry, I’ve got a great deal for you on the Brooklyn Bridge.

    As for the loving alternative you propose, it’s already been created: it’s called the Affirming, Inclusive Church. Try one sometime.

  7. you big faggot the guys innocent …………………………….. homosexuality is natural…….. hahhahahaha who do you think you are big guy.

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