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Fetishized Homophobia Isn’t Love

What’s he doing, surrendering like a faggot? Or showing himself off like an assertive man who knows what he’s got and knows what he wants?

Do we respect him for showing off, or do we reject him?

Do we think, deep down, only faggots show their ass, and Straight guys are always better than Gay guys?

Or do we find him stellarly attactive for being who he is?

Forget your politics right now; who gets you hard, Straight guys or Gay guys?

Are Straight guys better because they were born that way, just like we are?  Is heterosexuality the definition of masculinity?

If it is, Gay guys can never measure up – even when we’re superior to Straight guys.

So let’s get off this whole superior-inferior thinking, and look at ourselves as we are.

What’s your definition of masculinity? What’s your definition in your head, and what’s your definition in your gonads?

Can you sexualize Gay guys, and see them as horny fuckers? Or do you secretly think that all Gay guys, by definition, are inferior to Straight guys?

A lot hangs on your answer. If you think all Gay guys are bitches, you cannot respect yourself. You’re like a woman, and Straight guys say women are bitches.

You can go to Pride Day, throw beads around and show off your torso and crotch, but if you think Straight guys are better, when you’ll never be Straight even if you’re the father of four, you’ll always end up on the short end of the stick. You’re homophobic, just like you’ve been taught to be.

That isn’t liberation, it’s oppression. Why on earth would you agree to it?

Why would you fetishize Straight guys as better than you?

If all you know is Straight culture, with its doubtful claim of superiority, why did you ever go to Pride Day?

Gay men are not women.

We’re men! Men are who we like.

We’re not pussies, or bitches, or any of those other terms flung all over the internet, both to turn us on and to put us down.

The sexiest guys alive are two butch guys who decide to get it on.

They don’t care what the dominant culture says. They want each other, so they get together, and they don’t care what anyone says.

They choose to be free. Once you’re free, you can suck or fuck or get fucked, it doesn’t matter, as long as it feels good and is humane.

Important point; keep it humane.

Sometimes I think about compiling a list of all the websites that fetishize homophobia, where a mere kiss is thought faggy. But the list would grow to hundreds, then thosuands, while no one even asks, “Does this enhance our self-esteem, the way love does?”

Love is what proves this all wrong.

Guys are born Gay; shrug shrug. Sometimes they meet each other, and fall in love, and have great sex, and even when they don’t they might stick together for a lifetime.

Get married even, right in The New York Times.

Most of us don’t get married, and question whether Gay love is even possible, just as anti-Gay activists do. They proclaim we’re all dead by 40, based on a cursory look at obits in Gay newspapers in 1982.

But many longtime lovers, together 30 or 40 years, do get married in states where we’re allowed to. Most of the Gay wedding announcements in The New York Times  involve grooms who are middle-aged.

They inspire me – and I don’t want to know their sexual history. Their public commitment matters more than what their junk did in 1977.

Guys who put their names and faces in the newspaper inspire the rest of us to love. But wedding announcements are not sexual histories, and present a different image than popular porn sites, where frank degradation is the biggest turnon.

Homophobia caused us to break apart sex and love. Can liberation put them back together again?

My book The Gospel According to Gay Guys attempts to show one model of hot fucking married Gay sex. You may not like it; it hasn’t set the world on fire.

But it does present something different from a thousand “Faggot, suck my dick” websites anyone can find.

I think it all depends on definitions; psychic programming, turnons, commerce.

If you want to make money from Gay guys, promote the sexual superiority of Straight guys. It’s how we all were raised, so why not? That’s how we fetishize homophobia.

Actual Straight guys are more complex than any of them sold in Gay porn. Most of them really don’t care what turns you on – but oh, the Gay guys do!

I don’t blame my brothers for this attitude; it’s what we all were taught. But the reality of what Straight guys are really like – all their doubts, certainties, comforts and occasional threats – reveal why a genuinely comfortable Straight guy couldn’t care less who you poke or get poked by. Whatever feels good, do it.

Millions of Gay guys don’t feel that way. They reinforce shame for not being Straight, and liking a dick down your throat or up your ass.

They mock Pat Robertson but believe every word he says. They’re all “bitches, whores and cunts,” and every other female-hating term they can label each other with.

That isn’t Gay liberation. Gay lib means we like women and support their power, even if we don’t care to perform oral sex on them.

Women are beautiful. But to see all these thousands of Gay, anti-Gay websites, you’d think all men are rapists and Gay guys are sluts, whores, pigs, slaves, psychotics.

We’re more advanced politically than we are psychologically and sexually. How weird is that?

Let me close with positive affirmations of what makes for really hot sex, and real liberation.

• “I know you.” This is what happens when the stud who’s fucking you has the decency and intelligence to recognize how much you want to get fucked, and how attracted you are to him because he sees you as you really are, and doesn’t disrespect you, but respects you for giving him your ass willingly.

That Flash of Mutual Recognition™ is the most exciting moment in life. He knows you, he loves what you like because you like him. He doesn’t spit in your face, he kisses you.

You may never see him again, but you’ll never forget him. He approves of me. We fit together.

How different this is from the fetishized homophobia of bitches, whores and sluts – female terms, though your hard dick is not female.

We don’t think of our women friends in those heterosexist terms; why do we think of ourselves that way? Because we’ve been taught by Gay-haters.

To me the butchest guy on the planet is a Gay guy who can fuck and get fucked; who can fall in love and not care what the world thinks; who can marry his man at 72 and 67 – or 32 and 27 – and not care what anyone thinks about that handsome photo in The New York Times.

God loves you, homoboy, so don’t fetishize abuse.

Instead, remember that Flash of Mutual Recognition™, where what you want and what I want match perfectly.

If God is love, he’s right there between you. Egging you on, talking dirty to you, just to see your kisses at the end.

God made us sexy; there’s never been any question about that. Gay guys are here to provide a brake

on unlimited reproduction.

The only thing Straight people know is “Be fruitful and multiply.” Don’t blame them, they’re doing right.

But don’t emulate them either. Don’t define yourself by their terms. You are not a woman, you’re a man.

You may well want to spread your legs and get fucked, but you’re still a man. That’s how God designed you!

If you’re a top who likes man-ass, take it without reference to the stereotypes. You’re a different kind; act like it. Be your full self, with all your love, passion and aggression.

And if the day comes to flip, roll over – and smile at your cute little boyfriend suddenly turned into a man.

I have tried, in my book, to illustrate this. But succeed or fail, it all comes down to your own attitude. Are Straight men better? Are Gay guys good? What will lead you to that Flash of Mutual Recognition?

“This is exactly who I am! This is exactly who you are! And man, I love you for this.”

It doesn’t always happen, but when it does – when you hold out for it – you might just end up in The New York Times.++

My current imagining of Kent in “The Gospel According to Gay Guys.”

4 Responses

  1. That Flash of Mutual Recognition™ is the most exciting moment in life. He knows you, he loves what you like because you like him. He doesn’t spit in your face, he kisses you: ¨ Josh

    Well. Well, my dear friend Joshington of Thomas,

    Once again you throw everything but the kitchen sink (or the two holes in a two holer out house) at us/me. Once again I try and not turn pink, bright red, white (with horror) as I wince and twitch (no wonder I drank alcoholicly as a late teen until 35) through your early paragraphs of naming every version of homosexual sex known to man (real man, not-so-much man, all-skate, whatever of OUR Gay variety which reveals you as a front row observer)…something you fail to do is consider what the heterosexuals do on the run, on the cum, on the dumb (just plain) with their metro-shaved-slithering, plucking or hunkering down with two day old beards to make the world quiver and shiver either one-on-one or neighborhood wife-swapping orgies. I get confused. Somehow I think your ¨we´s¨ are a little post peak, post geek, post sleek Gay Life Magazine…the sex runneth over…true, it often does, but there is more.

    I think your ¨Flash of Mutual Recognition¨ is the key (and you know it, Mr. know it, repeatedly). Yes, I think that covers it very well and the giant slawlom of Gay antics, lifetimes of them, spelled out doesn´t mean much (and neither do the Heterosexual corresponding fetishes…alas, the ratio, Gay vs Straight, probably makes us look like pikers in the specialty sleeze acting out departemento)…when either them or the magnetic couples of ¨wë´s¨ are booking our marriage announcement in the New York Times or the San Pedro Daily Breeze.

    Love ¨That Flash of Mutual Recognition¨ but I must add, even in my young daze I always felt a spiritual like connection with someone/anyone I was having sex with (except the few times with girls or the few times I found the, innocently natch, the wrong guy drunkenly into my bed)…for me, even in a intimate ¨quickie¨ setting I felt a deep sense of giving of myself (and got it back)…that part, always amazed me (especially after I got sober at 35 and could feel the reality of it all, tingle, tingle).

    Now off to bed and I´m glad I´m getting older and I´m still alive.

    Un gran abrazo,

  2. This seems odd to add (but, I´ll do it anyway),

    Yes, I think amongst the happiest moments in my life have been when the click into ¨That Flash of Mutual Recognition¨ occurs and then later when ¨That Flash of Mutual Satisfaction¨ brings the house (the one in my head) down! BRAVO! BRAVO! (sometimes I couldn´t/can´t sleep afterward because I feel so great)…men, what a Godly success…a huge deal!

  3. The weird thing here is I don’t remember writing this – a year or two ago? – and I don’t know how it got published today.

    I recognize the photos, though. The boy with his butt sticking out was in a pornmag in 1984. The die-for stud at the bottom is new to me.

    My guess is I wrote this a year ago and got the time-stamp wrong. Now, lordamercy, look who’s on the Gay Spirit Diary!

  4. That Flash of Mutual Recognition™, which Leonardo picked right out, is indeed the point of this article. Lenny always knows what I’m trying to say. (And if you don’t, I trademark it.)

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