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So Far Away

Sure, I'll march - just don't expect me to pick up the damn banner.

Sure, I’ll march – just don’t expect me to pick up the damn banner.

I’ve noticed something lately. Whenever I go to pick up something off the floor, either I don’t bend as fast as I used to, or I’m just as fast but I don’t bend as far.

I stand, I bend, my hand is outstretched, but the thing I want (book, paper, Luke’s leash) just sits there until I bend a little more.

Which makes me wonder: why am I forever putting shit on the floor?

Yoga people make me sick.

Yoga people make me sick.

11 Responses

  1. Maybe the shrinking part is starting? Ah, no, you’re just a young whipper snapper…ain’t ya?

  2. Oh, please don’t make me shrink. I’m only 5’5″ to start with. If a big gust of wind ever gets me, I could end up in Illinois.

  3. I’m only 5´7¨ (I didn’t realize I wasn’t tall until recently)…I paint all day looking down/standing up…I look like a certain tower in Pisa (not as tall of course and dwindeling into nothingness — best eat some more Mariani Pitted Dates, that will keep me grounded).

  4. BTW…I just joined the SAGE email list…they keep inviting me to things I can’t attend (what I was hoping for was a nice place on the retirement list for the assisted living center in downtown San Francisco — I know, I know, impossible, but I thought maybe they’d have a scholarship program for self-made people who have, not because of lack of charm, lost nearly everything except TONS of fascinating memories — real ones).

  5. I’ve never heard of Mariani, but I am planning on baking some date-nut bread or muffins soon; they’re second on my to-do list after cranberry-orange muffins. I ran across a bunch of quick bread recipes recently while sitting down at my Advent dinner table with a cookbook for company. I almost never use my dining room unless I have guests, but my Advent wreath always goes on the DR table, so I am eating there every night this month. All these muffins I’ve never made! My grandmother used to make date-nut bread, using scissors to chop the fruit – which I thought was really strange until I grew up and learned how useful kitchen shears can be. I was a kid; I thought you only used scissors for cutting paper.

    If my muffins come out I’ll post a picture. Here I’ve bragged online about being The Muffin Man, but turns out I don’t know the half of it. (Should I mark grandiosity on your psychopathic symptoms checklist?)

  6. Muffin Grandiosity? I think we will wait until a little more of the Indiana Axe Murder appears in your nature…afterall, we still don’t know exactly what happened to the mansion man down the road…I know it was before your time but maybe Grandmother got to him with those date cutting scissors (when she found out he was up to the unspeakable deed). Seriously, I do suggest Mariani when the datecake/bread/misc baking time comes.

  7. that would be ¨murderer¨ — the muffin man axe murderer — no doubt earn you a place in history (dated).

  8. If it’s before my time I don’t suppose it’s Baumeister. I was on “Investigative Reports” concerning him once. Cops ended up blaming him for murders I don’t think he committed.

    Anyway all that is thankfully behind me. I don’t harm my dates! (Though I have been known to eat a few.)

  9. Date receipes by Lucky Pierre Barnswallow. Do PUBLISH (again). Please keep us Emily Posted. (I better go to bed). Weenie Rude Judge

  10. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winnie_Ruth_Judd (enjoy)

    Yours forever,
    Happy Jack Halloran

    P.N. (Please Note) Winnies Daddy was a Preacher Man!

  11. Well, there’s a wild story – and Maggie Smith got to play the title role!

    Still, I think I’d prefer the marionette version. Never trust a preacher’s kid.

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